Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
