The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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