he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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