she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
