Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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