so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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