I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
