I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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