Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
