I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
