Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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