your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
