tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
