So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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