I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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