But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
that's an acceptable place to lick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
