I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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