Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
