dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
