so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
