fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
