If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You are the jesus of drinking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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