i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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