I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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