really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
