it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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