I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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