Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
