I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
