My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
