So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
