she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
