so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry about my life...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
