Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
