i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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