I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So much rum. So many feels.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
