New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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