He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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