Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
