well you can't waste a boner
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
