If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
