i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
