They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
