I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
