i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
