apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
