glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
