is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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