K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
