This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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